24-year-old Sarita wishes she could go back and do it all over again. Or, not do it, as it were.
CARTAGENA, Colombia (CAP) – As political repercussions from the U.S. Secret Service sex scandal widens, one group is noticeably absent from the hoopla, quietly trying to put the pieces of a shattered industry back together. Colombian prostitutes hope it’s not too late to repair any damage done to their reputation at the hands of the U.S. government.
“I has a little mouth to feed at home, you know?” a 24-year-old escort named Sarita told CAP News. “I can’t afford to be this blacklisted from my work – no one wants to touch me now and my legs, they remain closed.
“No matter how many times I shower or douche, I cannot wipe of the stink of the American government off my body,” Sarita added, a look of shame clouding her visage.
While media reports have focused on the one prostitute whose verbal altercation with a Secret Service agent over price led to the scandal erupting, there are countless others who were duped into believing they were having sex with wealthy American businessmen and not “cheap-ass government employees” who “hardly deserve a hand-out, let alone a hand job.”
“I should have known something was up when he finish and says, Bam! You just got secret serviced!” said 22-year-old Lucetty. “Now I am like the American and knowing how it feels to be screwed by big government.
“Well, actually, he wasn’t that big,” Lucetty noted. “So it was more like getting a small government subsidy.”
One thing escorts like Sarita and Lucetty don’t need to worry about is competition as fallout from the scandal has led to more Colombian high school girls choosing college over a career on their backs. “Once upon the time I was a proud chica for what I do,” said Sarita. “Now I only feel the shame when I bed strange men, wondering to myself who they really are behind those whitey tighties.”
Indeed, Colombian prostitution has a “long road to ho(e)” to regain the popularity it once enjoyed as a top three listing in Richard Scarry’s Big Book Of Adult Erotic Vacation Destinations. Colombia’s sexual star had already begun to dim when the current scandal broke, leaving many pundits to wonder if the country’s sex tourism is too deep into a hole from which it can never pull out.
“After Bill Clinton made a highly publicized visit to a Thailand brothel back in 2009, vacation bookings to that country spiked overnight,” said Caribbean travel agent Manuel Lee Puta. “If President Obama could offer up some sort of stimulus package or tour the area via helicopter to survey the damage, people would be flocking there faster than you could say, How much for you?”
However, the Obama administration continues to try to distance itself from the scandal, with White House Chief of Staff Jack Lew canceling a planned Oval Office photo op with the Cartagena Call Girls softball team after their district-wide championship over the Bocagrande Police earlier this month. “We think it’s safer at this point if the president just congratulates them by phone,” noted Lew.
Puta said it’s that team attitude that will help the ladies of Cartagena get through this and emerge not only as stronger street walkers, but perhaps better recreational athletes as well.
